uncertainty is a killer...

5:06 pm

Had a good day…sort of

Wind ensemble auditions were today after school. 4 contenders, unknown amount of openings (it’s flexible). I wield an easier piece than initially expected, Level 4 NYSSMA, that I played already and I know all of my rudiments.Luckily all of the other guys were playing Level 4, so that was eliminated as a factor in deciding who made it.

Before the auditions, 8th period I had a lesson with the man that would weigh my talent. I played Level 1,2,3 and 4 rudiments perfectly. I moved on to level 5 and 6 and stumbled a bit. But that’s ok. Later in the lesson, I played my Level 5 NYSSMA piece, a good few lines farther than what he though I knew (or was capable of =]). HE was impressed and I was happy. I made it 2 lines short of the end of the piece by the lesson’s end. Needless to say, I need no longer worry about the piece for NYSSMA. I’ve got it down pretty well and making it to the end of the piece was my main concern. I was even considering playing it instead of my Level 4 for the auditions later that day.

The big moment. For a half an hour I diligently practiced in a room full of nervous kids, on different instruments. My main competition was there. There was no bad blood between us. We both hoped to make it and out of the 4 of us me and him kind of felt like we were definetly going to make it.

He went in, he came out. Time flew by as I ran rudiment after solo after rudiment. My arms tensed and my volume increased as I practiced. He emerged confident; perfect, he said he’d done. MY turn.

I went in. The air was slighter than I remember it. Fear had loosened it’s grasp from my neck. I played 3 rudiments; drag tap, 9-stroke roll, and double para-diddle. I moved on, by choice to the sightread. I doubted I’d do well and figured after a fucked up sightread a solid solo would make me feel better. I was right. Composed of nothing harder than a sixteenth note and 3/4 time, that solo hurt me. Not kicked my ass per say, but gave a few glaring cuts. Fairly relived to make it through the sightread, on something like my fifth damn attempt, I began the meat of my auditions, the solo. It didn’t hold much weight as it was easy and had played it before, but I did well. I messed some things, but no one’s is perfect. I did dynamics as bets I could and he had me skip the most tedious part of the piece; straight to end and I finished strong.

I don’t know if made it. Logic tells me I did. 4 contenders; a freshman, a sophomore and 2 juniors. One junior didn’t show/was sick. He knows I can play better than exemplified and I reminded him in our lesson. The main reason I even signed on for a Level 5 was to increase my chances of being in Wind Ensemble. I’ve tried to show him I’m a good student; I come to help out, I try to practice as often as I can, I volunteer (which actually feel through a lot this year). I hope I make it. I’ll be crushed if I don’t.